I was going through a couple of my journals (truly, I have an absurd collection of them), hunting for a writing piece to share with you and instead stumbled upon this one on a little scrap of paper from my very first solo journey.
Here’s the set up: at the time of this piece, I was in a relationship with a man who lived two hours away from me. While we were out in his town, he disrespected me so badly that I hopped in my car and drove the two hours back home. It was the end of our relationship that night. When I got to my house, seething and fuming, I sat to play on the computer…and ended up booking a trip to Cancun for myself. I chuckle now that it was booked out of spite.
The resort I was at (Le Blanc) was absolutely divine, with a child-free atmosphere and indulgences like aromatherapy that could be ordered to your room (bougie much?); I was pampered and in heaven. The downside was that seemingly the rest of the guests were all couples on their romantic honeymoons and anniversary trips; as a solo gal I felt that I stood out like a sore thumb. I dressed up one night to go downstairs and sat at the bar alone feeling entirely conspicuous. At a loss as to how to handle myself, I picked up pen and paper so that I was “doing” something. This is the piece that I wrote:
Regret nothing–not even sitting alone at a bar feeling silly–do not wish your life away. Play by your own rules and damn the rest of it–there is no one to impress but yourself. Let it all slide off: what you have to do, what you should do, just BE and enjoy the glory of living. You will never be small again, that much is clear. How far you’ve come! How much further can you go? There ya go…a little company goes a long way, hm?
Simple and yet self-comforting! I relaxed and sipped my drink.